The coach, the worrier, the critic, and the judge walk into a bar… The bartender looks up in surprise and says, “Is this a team meeting or a bad day in my head?
It’s a scene that plays out daily – not in a bar, but in our minds. These inner voices form an invisible committee that often feels louder than the world around us. And let’s be clear: these are just the voices that showed up! They like to take turns: on this occasion, the perfectionist was still working, the imposter was sure they would be exposed, and the pleaser got stuck finishing someone else’s job!
Over the past twenty years, I have had thousands of conversations with executives about taming these little voices in our heads. Everyone thinks it is just them, but it isn’t; many people share the experience of living life with constant crowd commentary.
The coach is the optimist, the voice of balance and encouragement: “You’ve got this! Keep going!” But sometimes, just as quickly, the worrierchimes in, pointing out every potential for mistakes and failure: “What if I mess up? What if it all goes wrong?” and that old chestnut “What if I’m not good enough?”
Enter the critic, relentlessly dissecting every flaw: “That wasn’t good enough! (no surprise then that we develop a worrier). You could have done better.” And finally, the judgeleans in, ready to hand down the verdict full of “shoulds” and “oughts”.
These voices often feel like uninvited guests who have crashed our bar. The struggle is real! I, too, know from personal experience the dent these voices can have on your confidence until I learnt to reset and rebalance my relationship with them. I realised that these voices weren’t who I was.
I understood that each little voice had a purpose and emerged as I grew up to help and protect me. The coach inspires growth, the worrier keeps me cautious, the critic looks for improvement, and the judge encourages responsibility and accountability. I realised that the key is learning how to manage this internal dialogue by recognizing when each voice takes the mic and choosing how much airtime they get so that I am managing them and not vice versa.
How to work with the little voice in your head
Self-leadership is the first step to effectiveness, whether in life or work. Becoming aware of and managing these inner voices is as essential, if not more important, as external tasks or interpersonal skills. When the critic is too loud, self-doubt creeps in. When the worrier dominates, decisions stall. But when the coach leads, supported by a balanced worrier and critic, the judge becomes less intimidating, and we can appreciate the need the ‘judge’ may be pointing to. Practising self-awareness, challenging unhelpful thoughts, and reframing negative narratives can turn this noisy bar into productive self-coaching.
So, the next time this “team” walks into your ‘mind bar’ remember that you own the bar and can decide who comes in, when and for how long they stay. If they make too much noise, you can ask them to dial down the volume or leave. Think of them as friends giving advice, listening to what is under the surface and the needs they are highlighting. As with any friend giving advice, decide how helpful it is. If it isn’t, say thanks, move on, chill and let the coach buy a round for everyone!
If you resonate with this universal challenge and want to learn more about having one of our world-class coaches work with you, reach out to me at corinne@human-synergistics.com.au.
About the Author:
Since working at Human Synergistics, Corinne has worked in Australia, New Zealand, South East Asia and India with clients from a range of industries and sectors. With over twenty five years of real world business experience, her pragmatic insights, intellectual curiosity and creativity have produced innovative solutions for her clients which have led to wide spread recognition of her expertise in the field of leadership development, organisational effectiveness and culture. She co-authored ‘In Great Company’, HS’s first book, providing insight into how to leverage culture to improve business performance.